it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
