no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
