Tell her she can't have a vagina
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
