Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
