dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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