i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
