i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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