the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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