The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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