Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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