she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
