xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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