we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
