I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
