do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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