some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
