you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
