I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I fill condoms, not promises.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
