The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
