I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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