so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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