Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
