I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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