Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
