The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
