I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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