I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
