I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
