I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
