If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
