The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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