Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
