I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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