I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
