He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
