One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
