thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
