We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
