i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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