I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
