Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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