Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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