my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
