Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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