Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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