Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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