Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
