Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
