she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
