SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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