He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
