no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
