Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
