Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
