And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
