drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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