No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
