OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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