I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
