I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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