I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize