I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
