After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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