I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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