the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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