He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
