I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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