I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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